How to Mend a Broken Heart

Valentine’s is coming up. Or for some, it’s Single Awareness Day (SAD). The occasion is especially lonely for those who recently suffered (or is suffering) a heartbreak.

Though I am engaged to my first love, I have faced a breakup before, as chronicled on my personal blog. It wasn’t easy even though we parted on amiable and loving terms. We both became obsessed over each other’s online presence, as stalking became our only form of “communication”. It was unhealthy. While I won’t go into details for why we broke up, we had hopes of a reconciliation as the issue we faced has a solution. However, I needed to break ties before the resolution emerges. I believe it took us half a year to reach that point. Not a day passed in which we did not think of one another. But our story was unique. Most breakups are meant to sever all ties. And all forms of moving on are difficult. While there is no one-size-fits-all remedy, below are steps to a healing heart:

1) Delete photos. Trash albums. Block his/her Facebook account. This sounds very cruel, but it is necessary if you wish to move on and salvage your sanity.

2) Don’t blame yourself. Don’t ponder “what ifs”. Don’t linger. If your heart weakens, remind yourself the reason(s) for why you broke up.

3) Do not stay friends. It is rare enough that a man and woman can sustain a platonic friendship, much less become friends after having been lovers. It is unrealistic. If you can still be friends, you wouldn’t have broken up in the first place.

4) Count on friends. They will be there for you. Rant. Pour your heart out. They will listen.

5) Change your outlook. Add colors to your wardrobe. Cut your hair. Moving on requires a fresh start and changing your outlook will bring confidence into your new routines.

6) Learn something new. Get a new hobby. When we are constantly learning, we feel happier. Furthermore, a new hobby will occupy your time well.

7) Go travel, if time and finance allow. New places will open your eyes to the wonders out there. Try not to be stuck in your own rut. View the world globally, not myopically.

8) When you’re ready, reflect and learn. Be wiser and happier in your next relationship.

We Say
Love yourself, first and foremost. Sometimes you just need a break to re-discover and re-define who you are. Take that time and heal slowly. Do not rush into the next relationship or go for a rebound. And most importantly, smile! :)



    1. If I had an ex, I wouldn’t say an unkind word regarding him (unless he cheated, in which case all bets are off) so I wouldn’t make our mutual friends uncomfortable. They have their rights and freedom to be friends with whoever they choose. Just respect us enough to not invite us on groups where both our presence is expected. Let time pass first before we consider that scenario.

      But most realistically, friends are of his or hers before they become a couple. So when the couple breaks up, friendships go back to being his or hers. It is less common for a couple to meet a new mutual friend.


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